We here at Mod-Blog have gotten some sad news. During a test flight in preparation for Friday night, Old Saint Nick was involved in a mid-air collission with a helicopter taking off from Sikirsky Aircraft in Stratford, CT. No one was hurt - having a magical semihistorical character for your pilot has some fringe benefits - but some of the press flacks at Sikorksy's P.R. department may be working overtime this weekend. Allegedly, Santa's sleigh insurance was expired, so the jolly old elf won't have the usual method of delivering presents this year.
In a journalistic coup that outshines everything since Watergate, Mod-Blog has obtained a list of the Top Ten alternative methods of delivery that Santa is considering, along with some handwritten notes on his concerns for each.
10. Tie elves to back-up sleigh, and have them flap arms REALLY hard. (Concern: Will the reindeer union approve use of non-members for sleigh propulsion???)
9. Fax I.O.U.s to children all over the world. (Concern: Not sure whether you put the paper in the machine face-up or face-down.)
8. Use Stealth Bomber acquired last year in our takeover of Hasbro, maker of G.I. Joe. (Concern: If NORAD can't track us clearly, I might be mistaken for an ICBM.)
7. Lose sufficient weight to fly over the world in a hot-air balloon. (Concern: Slimfast won't guarantee results in 2 days.)
6. Travel through the use of Wormholes. (Concern: Won't the worms mind?)
5. Take the Polar Express! (Concern: The motion-capture technique they used is really creepy.)
4. Use a teleportation device to beam myself into living rooms all over the world. (Concern: Elves claim Star Trek is fictional.)
3. Send all of the packages via UPS. (Concern: Signature brown uniforms not really in the holiday spirit.)
2. Fly around the world in a faster-than-light starship. (Concern: Not sure I can hire a wookie copilot in time.)
1. Use the magic ring I gave Mrs. Claus last Christmas. (Concern: Not sure she'll give it up. She keeps calling it "My precious.")
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