Tool Award

It's rare that I give the Tool Award away a second time so soon after having just given the award to someone. Usually, the Tool Award is the culmination of weeks (if not months) of searching to find the biggest tool out there. One really has to stand out as adding to Tooldom in order to provoke my wrath so much. But not today. No, today I've found a tool more worthy than any I have declared yet. So I present to you more than just a Tool Award. I offer you today, the UberTool Winner.



This tool among tools has consistently thrown dung on nearly everything good about our country. He represents the most arrogant, clueless, and meanest of the lunatic left. This nominee has condescend to those he disagrees with for years now, often drawing the ire of even fellow liberals. He especially caught flak when he claimed that Pat Tillman was not an American hero but was instead a mass-murdering, typical American who deserved to die a horrible death. This man considers himself a "hard-hitting" editorialist. And he's right on that. He's blasted anyone who dares to disagree with him with an intensity rarely seen outside of Jihadist circles. As a matter of fact, after reading his views one has to wonder if he's not on a first name basis with OBL. But putting the past aside, I'm sure that this liberal icon of stupidity has learned to be a tad bit more humble after the humiliating defeats of the past four years.



Or not.



Now this tool insists that it is only because of how stupid the red voters are that President Bush was re-elected. In his most recent editorial he argued,

So our guy lost the election. Why shouldn't those of us on the coasts feel superior? We eat better, travel more, dress better, watch cooler movies, earn better salaries, meet more interesting people, listen to better music and know more about what's going on in the world. If you voted for Bush, we accept that we have to share the country with you. We're adjusting to the possibility that there may be more of you than there are of us. But don't demand our respect. You lost it on November 2.

I highly encourage our readers to head over there and witness the toolness in all its glory. It's ironic that this tool manages to miss the point of all the data collected. True, Kerry did win the PhD vote by a small but respectable margin but he also carried the high school drop out vote. President Bush won the high school graduate and college graduate vote. According to our honorable tool, these people are the idiotic inbred scum of American. So congratulations, Ted Rall, for achieving a level of toolness most can only dream of. Keep up with your arrogant and ignorant views, they will only help to further alienate the average American in this country. For furthering the cause of your enemy with your own blind animosity and hateful spite, you are an UberTool!