The first ever Tool award goes to a man whom most of you will know of well. He played football, experiencing a successful career playing with the Bills from 1969-77 as a running back. He sure could run! It's funny that he later found himself riding from the police in an SUV when he probably could have outrun them on foot! But I digress...This man also co-stared in some very funny Naked Gun movies and built a following in family based entertainment.
Few knew that during this time, this person was beating his wife repeatedly. Even more shocking is that the police were called out eight times for domestic disturbance calls dealing with this man abusing his wife and the first seven times, he was left alone because it was "just a family matter." No, it would take the murder of his wife and her "friend" to finally get the police to take this violence seriously. Of course, when they did finally take action, this nominee hired the most prolific, race-baiting, racists he could find and made sure that EVERYONE knew that he was being singled out because of a vast conspiracy within the LAPD. By subterfuge, lies, manipulations, race-baiting, and out right force of will, our candidate was able to get off of charges of murder despite overwhelming evidence that should have had him fried shortly thereafter.
But our brave nominee's fight was not yet over, for more mean white racists wanted to slander his good name. Shockingly, the jury in the civil case voted unanimously to convict our candidate of double murder. Luckily for him, and all of his adoring fans, he couldn't serve jail time in this case, so he lost some of that hard earned money instead. Years passed and it seemed that our worthy candidate had slipped out of our consciousness. But it appears that he feels his noble work is not yet done. Our fearless nominee recently showed up to speak with recently remodeled android, Greta Van Susteren. And what message did our brave nominee bring back from his absence? He's angry. He's angry at his wife who he murd...oopps sorry...Who someone else murdered. Wink wink, nudge nudge. He's angry at the family of the fellow that he murd...That someone murdered. He says that they're looking for money. Of course, there is no chance whatsoever that they're looking for justice. The family is actually a member of the great white plot to frame our courageous recipient. When robo-Greta asked him about the anniversary of his "beloved" wife's death? He says that he and the kids were out at dinner and one of his children thought they should toast to their mom. He decided to go along with it just so he could pretend to care. What is left to be said? What more can I say to make my point of just how worthy tonight's noble winner is? I think I'll let someone else speak for a moment:
And for that, I award OJ Simpson Mod-Blog's first ever Tool award! Congratulations Mr. Simpson, by being a calloused, horrible example of what it means to be a husband, a lover, a father, and a human being, you are an example to tools the world over!
Only he, found responsible for the murders in an exhaustive and thorough civil trial, could mock these deaths, the loved ones of the victims and the legal system a decade later. His lack of any shame or contrition, his inability to show any grace, bereavement, or comportment after all this time has proven to be more of a conviction than any judgment that could have been levied against him by a criminal jury.
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