The Waitress Index

I struggled with whether this fit the "family-friendly" nature of Mod-Blog, but finally decided it was permissible and too funny not to post. One reporter has a theory about a way to track the health of the economy - the beauty of waitresses.

The indicator I prefer is the Hot Waitress Index: The hotter the waitresses, the weaker the economy. In flush times, there is a robust market for hotness. Selling everything from condos to premium vodka is enhanced by proximity to pretty young people (of both sexes) who get paid for providing this service. That leaves more-punishing work, like waiting tables, to those with less striking genetic gifts. But not anymore.

A waitress at one Lower East Side club described to me what happened there: “They slowly let the boys go, then the less attractive girls, and then these hot girls appeared out of nowhere. All in the hope of bringing in more business. The managers even admitted it.

We had an alternate "index" while down in Wildwood - the "local employment indicator". Normally, shore towns can not get enough locals to fill open positions, so they recruit from overseas - Russians, Irish, Australians, etc. looking for a fun summer in America. But this year, there were very few accents to be heard on the boardwalk, indicating Americans were looking for even the long, hot hours of hawking water gun races on the boardwalk.