Forgive and Forget... Or Just Forgive

Jesus had a lot to say about forgiveness. How often? 70 times 7 (or 77 depending on your translation). Why? Forgive so that you may be forgiven. When? Whenever it is asked of you. It is obviously an important principle, and one that Christians are asked to embrace with all their hearts. This I know.

But I have been wondering recently, when "forgive" should be paired with "forget". It is an expression in our culture to "forgive and forget" when a friend wrongs you, implying that not only do you not demand repayment for harm but also that a grudge is not held in the lon term. But really, the concept goes deeper. It says in scripture that when we repent, our sins are as far separated from us as the East is from the West. The implication seems to be that not only has God forgiven the sin, but that that He has driven it from His thoughts altogether.

I have a friend who wronged me a long time ago. It was not a serious sin, but something which changed my view of them in a significant way. I forgave them the same day, and have not held it against them in future dealings. But it did change our relationship, and has caused me to keep them at some distance since then. Again, it was not a breaking of fellowship (wow, that sounds churchy!). But it has been a barrier between us. What I have started to wonder about is whether God asks more of me than forgiveness here. I am wondering if forgetting is also required. Not forgetting as in destroying brain cells, but rather acting as though the event never happened and trying to build the relationship as though it never did.

Now, obviously, this can not be universally applied (which is part of the problem in my thinking about this). If a man hits his wife, she can be expected to forgive him. But she should never forget, because she needs to protect herself and potentially her children. I have another friend from college who had mental issues, who would repeatedly cycle from being your best friend to your most abusive enemy and back again. That I should never "forget" because I need to be ready to raise the defenses when the "evil side" came out, even if I resolve to forgive each time. And there are other more obvious examples - you can forgive an addict their behavior, but you must never forget because it takes only a moment of weakness for the addictive behavior to resume.

So, the question is really whether it is EVER proper to "forget" along with the "forgive." And if so, what are the criteria for the forgetting to happen? Is it a one-time sin? Is it a sin which does not go to character? Is it a sin for which full restitution has been made? Or does the wise man always remember, and never forget?

I could use some advice on this one.